I would like to do comics again sometime, but not now, and certainly not until I find someone to draw for me so my next comic will actually get more than a couple hundred readers. The AiS archives will probably be re-uploaded soon, but I won't be keeping the shaftware.com domain after the end of June, so you'll have to read them via the "real" site address, which is http://arrogance.keenspace.com/ , and that's assuming Keenspot doesn't take my site down once they realize it's not being updated anymore.
This decision to stop doing AiS was hard at first, but after lots of thought and prayer and not writing strips for an entire month and subsequently not missing writing strips, I figure it's the thing to do. There's just other things I'd rather put my creative efforts towards, at least for now. Like I said, I'd like to do comics again in the future. So, hell, let me know if you're an artist looking for a writer - but not if you're an artist who's going to get all excited about a collaborative project and then have me type out a couple pages of script and then you'll draw one whole panel and then tell me some crap about how you're too busy to blah blah blah, because I've gone through about fifteen artists who've given me that line already. Only serious, serious, SERIOUS folks need apply.
And if you're concerned about the AiS characters, don't be. Eric, Jesse, Kate, Doug, Rebecca, and Adrian aren't going to appear in "one last comic" and all die in some freak explosion or get mass-married or simultaneously quit their jobs or go back to their respective home planets. I like the six of them too much to let anything like that happen to them. Just know that they're all still "working" at Shaftware, living upstairs from their offices, doing what they always did. I considered - briefly - doing a Calvin-and-Hobbes-esque final strip where the characters basically say, "Yup. We're still here. Who wants to play Starcraft?" I decided against it. I hope nobody minds.
Chapter 1: The Era of Injustice
February - April, 2000 Read This First! Jesse's Bright Idea Whistle Competitive Business Strategy, The Jesse Way Those Windows Might be Bulletproof Nihilanth is Freaking Impossible to Kill Look at All the Pretty Colors Does That Thing Make Lattes? It's All Kate's Fault Adrian Hasn't Even Been Introduced Yet Pass Me a "Fishing Weekly" Neither Have I Rebecca The Rebellious You Can't Spell "Homosexual" without "HMO" Fun With Psychosomatic Illness Eric's Bad Day He Used to Be the Mayor of Cincinnati Determining the Fate Of Mankind Adrian Finally Debuts Polyunsaturated Crap Blasphemy! Eric's Detective Agency Stage Fright I Like Marijuana No Croutons? Jesse's Best Stephen Baldwin Impression Lucasfilm Lawyers: Don't Read This One Shut Up, Kate Eric's Concept of Time And a Few Cups of Sweet and Sour Sauce Adrian Puts His Foot Down I'll Take One, Please Kate Sticks It To the Man The Weekend Middle School Jesse's Non-existant Social Life Get Out I Really Wanted a California Roll After Writing This One Jesse's Such a Mack Where's the Coffee? 5-7-5 Doug's Grasp of Easter You Thief, You Please Tell Me You're Not Going to Play Pokemon Makes Perfect Sense to Me Lighten Up, Adrian Subtle, Kate. Really Subtle. But Where's the Lysol? Donuts Rule
Chapter 2: The Manipulator and the Subservient
May, 2000 I Like Doug's Strategy, Here Someone Needs Some Prozac She Would've Wasted Those 10 Seconds Anyway Please Notice the Double Entendre Don't Forget the Holy Water This Excuse Rarely Works Doug Really Cares You Just Know that Jesse's Got a Completely Untouched Supply of Condoms Let's Hope the Elevator's Broken My Other Car is Your Mom I Switched to AT&T Worldnet the Next Day Kate's a Big Meany Head Jesse's Interesting Hobbies Rebecca's Fun New Job I'm Not Sure it Works Like That Not That I Recall... She Was Just Saying I'd Go There to Make Fun of People You'd Better Tip At Least $2.50 Sick When Banner Ads Fail How About "Dick"? Not That I'm Referring to Anyone or Anything Don't Let the Commies Get a Hold of That Thing It Wasn't, Actually
June, 2000 Please, God, No I Guess We'll Have to Go in the Bushes Outside Kate's Screwed Adrian's Neo-Protestant Uprising Jim Carrey Nuked the Sears Tower, Ya Know Sharing The Love Har-ASS-ment, Or HAIR-uhs-ment? It Starts With a "K", Duh Let's Build Stonehenge 2! Two Minutes Kate. Get It? It's a Pun! Ha Ha Ha! Go Read "1984", You Heathen. Pastors Don't Have to Wear Gay Uniforms, for One Thing Is "Gladiator" Still Out? They're Listed on Nasdaq as SHFTWR Alarm Clocks Suck At Least They'd Never Play Metallica Watchin' the Game, Havin' a Bud Wikkie Wikkie Scratch Welcome to McDonald's. This is Christ. Would You Like to Try a New McFlurry? He Uses Zerg Adrian Obviously Didn't Go Through the D.A.R.E. Program Spiders Really Suck Words of Wisdom Call Johnny Cochran. He'll Help Geez, Adrian. What's Wrong With You? Today, We'll Continue Our Year-Long Series on "Song of Solomon" At Least You Tried, Doug What's Ironic is that I'm Listening To It Right Now Eric 'n' Kate's Tribal Council Rebecca's Hate Crimes The Ice Maker Was the Best Part
Chapter 3: Conquest of the Dark Continent
July, 2000 Cream Filling I'd Be THERE, Dude Put On Your Thinking Caps Hiroshima in Your Backyard Can I Borrow a Pen? That Would Be a Shame Was the Computer Even Turned On? Doug: The Modern-Day Socrates Excuses, Excuses Rebecca Takes Bribes Concern = Greed Kate's Amazing Deductive Powers Money Sure Is a Recurring Theme This Week, Isn't It? I Always Thought It Was Spelled "Digery-Doo" Tiger Woods, Eat Your Heart Out Fun With Tax Evasion Insert the Title of a Natalie Merchant Song Here This One Confuses Even Me Rebecca the Skankin' Machine There's a Thin Line Between Disturbing and Comical Doug Vs. Time DID YOU EVER READ PLATO IN HIGH SCHOOL?! Zap More Proof that Computers Cause Mental Problems That's a Rad Benefits Package Oooh! I Want to Play "Vagrant Story"! Rebecca Needs to Be a Motivational Speaker Adrian's Doppelganger With a Special Guest Appearance by Artemis Clive Frog I'm With Jesse on This One The Sound of Silence
August, 2000 Jesse's the Resident Pervert, In Case You Hadn't Figured That Out Yet How Did We Ever Get Along Without It? Blame Did You Ever Read the Story About the Teddy Bear Who Came to Life and Killed People? We're Easily Impressed and Impossible to Please Make Your Pastor Take a Urine Test I'm Thinking that Edward Norton Could Play the Spunky Sidekick, Hypohemia Adrian's Pimpin' the Scene Try the Artesian Smoked Shank of Endangered Siberian Tiger. It's Great Ha Zrot? Kate Would Totally Dig That There's That, Too Let's See You Say That to His Face I Heard That Leonardo DiCaprio Movie Really Sucked If You're Gonna Spew, Spew Into This Since When Does Kate Have a Sense of Humor? The Real-Life Jesse Took This One Into Work Because Being Cool Full-Time is Too Hard I'm Not a Catholic, In Case You're Wondering In Hindsight, I Should Have Mentioned "Higher" by Creed in This One Bust Out the Visine Doug the Hypocrite Remember Sue's Big Speech? Yeesh Shiatsu is a Cool Word Rebecca the French-Speaking Mexican Nazi
Chapter 4: The Ultimate Betrayal
September, 2000 Dinosaurs But What's Step Three? I Want to Be the Race Car Again, I'm Definitely Not Referring to Anyone with This Strip. Cough Cough Bribing God On a Completely Unrelated Note, the Broncos Were Beating the Falcons by 35 Points When I Wrote This One Adrian Makes the World a Better Place That Lousy Stinkin' No-Good Universe Personally, I Learned This Lesson in High School So Very, Very Close Rebecca Visits #f2fcyberfun The Name of the Book is "Margins" The Softer Side of Kate Demanding Too Much of Yourself He Bounced It On a Nail Or a Caller I.D. Box Even After Shipping, it Still Wouldn't Cost as Much as it Would in New York My Mom (who Finally Knows of AiS's Existance) Found a Typo In This One. Can You? But Isn't Jesse an Alien Cyborg? The Last Word of the Fourth Line in the Second Panel is "Of" Am I The Only One Who's Ever Noticed This? Yet Another AiS Comic That is Definitely Not Referring to Anyone in Particular Guns Don't Kill People; Media Analysts Kill People My Mom Wrote Me and Asked Me What "Defragment" Means After She Read This One Kate is Her Own Worst Critic
October, 2000 I Wonder What They Smoked Back Then I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream Gratuitous Use of the Words "Fight" and "Club" I Think Eric Makes a Pretty Good Case A Hovercar, Please A Three-Year-Old's Favorite Word Good Ol' Dependable Eric In Case This Strip Leads You to Think Otherwise, I Am Indeed a Christian Chicks Piss Me Off This Is Why We Have Password Protection Maybe I Should Do That The New Face of Mentoring Today is Friday the 13th. Ooooh. I'm Scared Being a Corporate Drone He's That One Guy, You Know? With the Omnipresence and Stuff? IT'S PEEEEEEEEEEEOPLE!... Wait, That's Soylent Green... I Think She's Busy Doing Basic Instinct 2 So Will I Let's Try Not to Think About It Man on the Moon No, I Don't Hate My Readers Why'd You Do It, Kevin Spacey? Why? Art's Never Appreciated in Its Own Time Just Throw 'Em In The Microwave I Think Aristotle Had a Discussion Like This Once Like You Didn't See That Coming When Omnivores Attack! Doug's a Good Hustler I Can't Think of a Funny Title For This One Kate's Not a Very Good Listener At Least He was Being Honest
Chapter 5: Forgiveness and Intervention
November, 2000 Hooray for Capitalism A Horse is a Horse I Never Understood Why They Weren't Purple Apparently, Starcraft is the Only Game in the Entire Universe Existentialism to the Max, Baby Regular, or Diet? Eric is Really Inconsiderate Let's Try Not to Think About It That's Some Pretty Screwed-Up Math Boing The New Freud I Probably Shouldn't Have Written This One Doug Gets His Violent On Yeah, Maybe Ey, Muchacho! There's Not Much to Cheer About, Now That Ricky Williams is Out for the Season REDRUM The Sad Thing is that Adrian Was Just About to Ask Her to Go to Red Lobster With Him Except For that Stupid Pax Network You Tell 'Em, Doug A Likely Excuse No, It's Not Layer Cake. It's Eric's Bed The Thanksgiving Special! I'm Sure None Of Us Did He's From Sumatra Can't Blame Him for Trying Okay. "Vagina" That Was a Close Call Yeah. Those Steam Cleaners Charge an Arm and a Leg Synchronized Diving, Actually
December, 2000 You can Loosen or Tighten the Oxygen Mask by Pulling on the Tabs Well, in That Case... It Ran Over my Dogma Jesse's Such a Generous Guy Just You Wait It's Not Like They're Using Them for Any Good Reason At Least She Gave Him a Day's Advance Warning Second Drawer on the Left Ah, Yes Redefining "Put God In a Box" You Never Know Rebecca's So Unfair Note the Reference to American Beauty Oh, I've Heard of Them. They Suck That Just Wasn't Cool Them's Fightin' Words Only 47? I Didn't Get a Digital Camera for Christmas, and I'm Really Pissed About It I Put a CD In a Microwave Once. It Was Cool GOOD COMMUNICATION FAST DELIVERY A+++++++++
Chapter 6: The Last Days of Peace
1st Quarter, 2001 This Strip's Technical Advisor: William Gibson Note the Complete Lack of Sarcasm on Jesse's Part Yes, Mom. I'm Talking about You in This One I Need to Quit Using Dramatic Pauses in the Third Panel Some Guy Told Me that They Were Actually Cycling Magazines. My Bad It's a Rerun of "Friends" Everywhere You Look You'll Notice I Didn't Draw the Boobs, Though, So It's Okay Also On the Card: Allah vs. Odin Okay. I Used the Word "Boob" Twice in One Week Sounds Like Fun And So Did Alec Baldwin Only Twelve Oh, Come On, Eric. At Least Give Him a Second Chance The Coffee Machine Returns! Indeed, It Is It's a Good Thing You Found That Out, Because Adrian's Flying to Argentina Tomorrow Sorry, Kate Fanboys. It Ain't Gonna Happen Special Thanks to a Certain Guy I Know It Takes Even Longer When You Factor In the Mushroom Debate It's Not That I'm Dropping a Hint or Anything The Staging Point for a North American Takeover Something for Kate to Do On the Side Skating the Edge of Decency Don't Forget to Tamper with the Lavatory Smoke Detectors Erogansu Innu Shimupurishite Thank You, Drive Through Jesse Doesn't Catch On Too Quickly The Truth Hurts Paralyzed from the Neck Up Priorities, Schmiorities Paul Tagliabue is a Moron
2nd Quarter, 2001 Yeah. "Or Something" The Superego, The Id, And You! ...And All of a Sudden, this Big Booming Voice says, "Dammit, I Missed!" Don't Spend it All in One Place Im Going Too Go Over They're Yes, "Vapidity" is a Real Word Subtlety is Lost on Rebecca And That Makes it All Okay My Parents Call This "Selective Memory" This Hardly Ever Happens Don Jesse de Marco Jalapenos: Faster than a Pentium 4 Perchance! My Mom's Favorite Word It Was the Penguins As Opposed to Murderers and Serial Bombers Ooh. Spooky In a Manner of Speaking, Yes Man, What're the Odds of That? What's "Nougat," Anyway? Arogence In Simmplisitey That's Just Not Cool I'm Assuming She Said "No" Because Then They'd Go Faster Block Rockin' Beans One Man Army I Like Pie No, Not THAT Rebecca Invasion of the Doug Snatchers And Neither Have We Like a Steel Trap Wax On, Wax Off Creative Ways to Hold a Grudge That'd Be Fine She's Pretty Innovative
Chapter 7: The Hidden Truth
3rd Quarter, 2001 He Probably Has a Good Lawyer Insomnia Oh, the Humanity Battle.net is a Scary Place It Threatens His Sexuality It Also Causes Brain Death Wave 'Em Side to Side Shoot the Glass The Communal Sniper Rifle Returns Challenges in the Workplace And Some Doritos GQ Interviews are Conducted on Wednesdays and Saturdays Assuming They Have One in the First Place Let's Not Get Caught Inna Gadda da Vida It Most Certainly Is Chop Chop, Unworthy Servant Doug Can't Get No Satisfaction An AiS Strip with Less than Fifty Total Words? What's Wrong with This Picture? That's For Sure That's Her Solution for Everything Now Rebecca's the Resident Therapist, Apparently Kate's a Laugh and a Half Find Him and Kill Him That's a Good Example Most People Have Theirs at 40; Rebecca's Having Hers at 62,000 Because Some Questions Aren't Worth Answering A Moment of Silence And That's All that Really Matters The Loudest Taste on Earth How YOU Doin'? Oh, Lordy, Lordy, Lordy This Space, Usually Reserved for a Strip's Title, Will Be Used Today to Inform the World that I GOT U2 TICKETS WOOOOOOO!!! It's Pronounced "Muhfortied" Fourteen Words. That's It.
4th Quarter, 2001 She Probably Turned Him Down Suuuuure, Eric. Suuuuure We I'm Too Pissed Off to Come Up with a Funny Title Doug's Scare Tactics Since Yesterday, Right? Being Specific Isn't Rebecca's Forte Blue, Please How About "Obsessively?" Don't Even Get Me Started Gray Matter Just Think of It as Good, Scathing Advice Deep Thoughts Street Crime Moves to the Office I Can't Freaking Believe I'm Seeing U2 Tonight I Can't Freaking Believe I Saw U2 Friday Night The Expedition Wooduhv Dougs of our Lives He's Soooooooo Closet They Must Be Psychic or Something Big Numbers The 1998 Minnesota Vikings They're Still Better For You Than a Quarter Pounder It's All About the Benjamins The Requirements Kodak The Problem is Finding Ammo A New Three-Day Weekend Please Read the Freakin' News Post Below This Comic Strip and Respond Accordingly If At All Possible. Seriously. Starcraft School He's Just Really Appreciative
Chapter 8: The Great Redemption
1st Quarter, 2002 You Will Obey Bad Timing It's a Sony This Kind of Strip Happens When I Read Two Chuck Palahniuk Novels in Less Than a Month Who Cares About the Strip Today? It's AiS' Two-Year Anniversary! Communication Skills A Friendly Reminder Doug's Self-Improvement Technique AiS Makes a Tribute to Huey Freeman from The Boondocks And Knowing is Half the Battle I'll Be There For You Hypnotic Effects In Fact, You're Gonna Have to Work Very Hard to Stay Alive, Adrian This Could Take a While That's the One My Computer Was Busted, In Case You Were Wondering The Cause Of and Solution To All of Life's Problems plz update ur page kthx bye Problem Solved That's Good Eatin' Got Yourself a Gun Here Comes 68 Master of the Obvious It's a Life-Changing Event Sophistication
2nd Quarter, 2002 "Monday" Rhymes with "Funday!" The Score of a Lifetime This One's Gonna Get Me In Trouble Hey, Big Spender Adrian's Sacrifice Step Away From the Computer Sound Effects Provided by Industrial Light & Magic "Inebriated" is a Cool Word (Hockey + Coffee)/2 = Hockfee This Strip Also Has the Word "Coffee" In It Maple Leafs vs. Islanders, Game 5 Unwilling Slave The Fruits of Adrian's Labor Krzlbzkhzrxwrshzykh Probably the Most Disturbing AiS Ever Written Ministry of Truth Supervision Mr. Chivalry Don't Hate The Playa The Intern Saga: Part I The Intern Saga: Part II The Intern Saga: Part III The Intern Saga: Part IV The Intern Saga: Part V The Intern Saga: Part VI The Intern Saga: Part VII The Intern Saga: Part VIII The Intern Saga: Part IX A Slight Delay Guy Logic Adrian's Psychic Powers Title IX Common Sense is Only Common to Fifty Percent of the Population The Album was Produced by That Guy
Chapter 9: Weathering the Storm
3rd Quarter, 2002 He's Serious Nasty haha u SUCKKKKKKK!!!!!!111 I Just Got Back From a Tough Day at Work, so Screw You if You Think I'm Gonna Write a Title for Today's Strip If You Don't Get This Strip, You Need to Leave Your House Once in a While Euphemisms What a Cheapskate This is Probably the Fourth Strip in the Last Three Weeks that was Inspired by Something My Mom Did Initech Jellystone Brutal Honesty Watch Out for Mount Jeans Not That Rebecca's Bitter or Anything Patriotism Smoooooooth Just Another Monday Just Another Wednesday You and the Cap'n Make It Happen For Real Red Fusion Rebecca Loses It So What You're Gonna Do, After You Read Today's AiS, is Go To meninhats.com and Read Aaron Farber's New Strip. He's the Guy Behind Pentasmal If This Title is Still Up on Friday, It's Because I'm Having Serious, Serious Computer Problems The Workout Scheduling Conflicts Zen Master Doug Builds a Mystery Nice Observation, Beavis Representin' Please Read My NFL Predictions After the Strip. It Took Me a Long Time to Write It Curling Kate on Overkill Mode Part XIV - Bride of Jason The Mother of Invention Words to Live By This Strip Isn't About Sarcasm Needs Going Unmet Neglect It's Funny Cuz It's True Using the Other 90 Percent
4th Quarter, 2002 I Regretted Writing This One About Five Seconds After I Finished It Turn On the Fun Tough Actin' Tinactin We're All Glad So THAT'S His Last Name If You Honestly Think I'm Going to Come Up with a Title for Today's Strip on a Night When the Broncos Lost At Home Due to About Four Plays Which They Shouldn't Have Had the Capacity to Screw Up So Royally, Especially After They Learned Their Lesson in Baltimore on Monday Night a Few Weeks Ago, You Obviously Haven't Been Reading This Strip Long Enough Alternatives in Parenting Why TV Syndication is Bad Snap I Still Don't Understand How That Movie Got an Oscar for Best Picture Sponsored by Sharpie October 24th The Birth of a Lamer And Since I Wrote This Strip, I'm Never Gonna Get Laid Either Now With Streaming Audio It's a Big Crate Extra Extra Curtis Joseph FREEEEEDOM! I Seriously Found a Pamphlet about Towel Folding at my Parents' House. Really. Sadly, These Kinds of Conversations Actually Occur The Director's Cut Will Feature Even More Left-Wing Cynicism This is the Third Time This Week that I've Updated the Title Late. Sorry. She Forgot to Ask What Kate Wanted to Drink And, Just Like That, Eric Becomes my Least Favorite AiS Character Adrian's Superpower Keenspace Has Been Messing Up My Titles Lately, so Let's See if They can Get This One Right Yet Another Stupid Starcraft Strip Who's Your Soda If I Actually Did This, the Broncos Would've Put Me into Alcoholics Anonymous By Now That Sounds Tasty A Hard Sell That's a Good One Mutiny Weathered Let's Go Hokies Reign of Chaos Squeeze Who the Hell Plays Golf in December?
Chapter 10: Epilogue
1st Quarter, 2003 This Saturday Would be Good Taco Bell Makes Me Wanna Smoke Crack Intelligent Nightlife You Go, Girl Adrian Figures it Out Do It Like They Do on the Discovery Channel There's Always eBay Freudian Issues